Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
