My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who died my cat blue again?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
