At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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