I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
