Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
