What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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