U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
