If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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