I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
