Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
