WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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