if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
