someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
