alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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