I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
