I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
