So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
only if we run a train.
done.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
