you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
