I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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