so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
