your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
