I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
