Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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