it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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