Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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