We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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