I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
