She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
