your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
