He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
