So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
