Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
