I can text with my tongue
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
