I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
