I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
