Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
