I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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