he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
