Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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