Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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