Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
