Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
