He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
