Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
