I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
