In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
