i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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