Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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