Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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