At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
only you would photoshop your dick
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
