how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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