how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
