he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dick very happy bro
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
