I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm really busy with my period
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