you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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