So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
