Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
