This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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