Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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