I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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