new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
