I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
