I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
