They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
