Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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