if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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